April...all hype and no answers

I am feeling all twitchy inside. I have been out of touch with the blogosphere for so long. April has been a crazy month. Ultimately it has been dedicated to preparing for our IEP, the re-verification process and Kindergarten placement. It feels like there has been so much hype yet so little done.

Our initial meeting was April 26th. This was only with our "current school staff". This was JP's Special Ed Preschool classroom teacher, Speech Path, School Psychologist, OT, and the Special Education District Coordinator. I consider us blessed that the Coordinator was there. Typically they pull the "teacher serves as the district rep" bit. Apparently my request for a paraprofessional in the mainstream classroom drew her attention.

Unfortunately, that first meeting didn't get around to that discussion. I brought it up once but she asked that we hold off on that discussion until later. So although we were together for 2 hours I can't say that much came from it. I did find out that JP has autism. Surprise! No really, I was sort of surprised that they didn't argue the diagnosis. I have this fear that due to his strengths people will overlook his weaknesses. It actually happens all the time but fortunately this was not the case.

He did well with their assessments. Of course he loves to show what he knows. He loves to learn. Well, I should qualify that to say that he loves to learn in a one on one setting. If you put him in a group setting he gets ants in his pants. He hasn't shown us that he can learn much in that setting. It is just too overwhelming.

All in all, our meeting was amicable and I really must say that I love his current teachers. They really get him and they do welcome my input on his goals. And we all agree that his appropriate setting is a mainstream classroom. I feel that his teachers agree that he needs supports. The issue seems to be more with the administration. I know that my teachers can only say so much and I know that I can't expect them to fight the fight for me.

Our debate seems to come down to a discrepancy between the concepts of "supports" and "one on one aide". The school district that I live in does not do paraprofessionals. They don't assign an adult to a classroom for one specific child. If our kids can't cut it in the mainstream then they get placed in a multi-categorical special ed room. Truthfully it seems a rarity to have a special needs child placed in the mainstream. I know of 4 other autism families jumping through the same kindergarten hoops right now and they were all routed to the multi-cat room. However, as I have broadened my parent references to include a couple new "Asperger" families I am finding that these kids are in the mainstream--but with very (did I say VERY) little supports.

Now please understand that I am a "negative nelly". When someone says "maybe" I hear "no". When we talk about assistance for my son during his school day that doesn't really jive with their talk about a resource room. The school suggests that maybe the resource teacher could spend some time in his mainstream class alongside him. Sure, I'll take that but what about the other 6 hours of the day?

Who is going to be there to straighten his pants because he won't unsnap them when he goes to the bathroom. He just yanks them down and then can't get them up over his underwear when he is finished. He doesn't care or even notice. He could go all day with his waistband below his underwear. Who is going to be there to help him deal with lunch as well as the 100 other kindergartners. Who is going to help him cope with the NOISES in the lunchroom? Who is going to be there to nudge him and give him the words to use to ask to play with those kids at recess? Is he going to be lone child off to the side running sand through his fingers? Who is going to be there in his classroom when he is supposed to be working on an art project. Fine motor and creativity, ha! If you are lucky you'll get a picture of Winnie the Pooh! Who is going to be there to coax him to write his letters? If they tell him to write an "A" he will likely ignore them. But if they ask him to chose between the red or the green marker to writes his A's then they will likely get a row of red A's. Who is going to be invested in him and realize how to coax him to do these things? Or will they just assume he can't do it because he doesn't do it when they ask the first time? And then soon enough he won't be able to do it at all.

His classroom teacher will have a room full of dramatic neurotypical 5 year olds. They will all be clamouring for her attention. They will want to tell her about their scraped knee or their pet snake. She will have her hands full. Some of these kids will not have been in a classroom setting before. It is going to be a shock to their system. They will need her help. JP has been in a classroom for nearly 3 years. He knows the routine. I can't help but worry that his teacher won't have the time or energy to seek out JP and give him the continual guidance. I hope I am overreacting. But I am pretty sure she is not going to be Superwoman and frankly I don't think she can do it all. JP is a full time job for me and I don't have 20 other kids wanting my attention as well.

The way I see it one of two things will happen. Without an adult chaperon, JP will take up permanent residence in the corner of the room all alone because that is easier than dealing with all the angst and emotion in the room. Or he will get all stimmy and run around the room behind (insert random child's name) who is simply being ornery. (Insert random child's name) may be misbehaving but JP will think it is a game. Now jump forward 3 months and the other children will have adjusted to the school routine but JP will have learned that it is more productive to act out and run around. This may be the only way he gets support from the teacher. The way I see it he will either become invisible or a behavior problem. I fear that the only way to get supports in this situation is to become the behavior problem.

Because of all the work we have done with JP he is academically ahead of his kindergarten peers. We didn't set out to teach him to read. He just picked it up because letters are his thing. Academically JP doesn't really need assistance . He needs assistance learning how to navigate school and his peers. He needs assistance complying and knowing what he is supposed to be doing. He needs to learn that the children do the assignement because "the teacher said so". Yes, I hear the district rep chiming in. "All kids need to learn this!". Yes, I agree. But there comes a time when those other children realize the social ramifications for not behaving in the expected fashion. JP won't pick up on this.

Ultimately, we have a disconnect with the school regarding his needs. I understand that schools are about academics. Not social skills. But I see these things as the same thing. How is JP ever going to do a group science project if he can't learn how to play with his peers. Kindergarten social skills are life skills. These are a foundation to the academic skills he'll need later on. His disability makes it improbable that he will pick these up naturally. He has to be taught them. How are they going to teach these to him in a mainstream classroom without an adult there to steer the way?

I declared Kindergarten as JP's "year to learn how to learn in a group setting". I am just really antsy because I am not sure we are going to get the supports he needs to make sure this happens. My fear is that he will spend a year in kindergarten and do okay. He'll move on to 1st grade and maybe do okay. Then when he gets to 2nd grade we will start to realize that he really hasn't been catching on to the new material. All of a sudden my "academically advanced" child will be performing below grade level and the school will tell me that he can't learn in their setting. They will want to send him to the multi-cat room. Simply put, if we don't succeed with the "learn in a group setting" goal I worry that our mainstream days will be limited.