Bye bye baby!

January 7, 2005. That is the day my baby's babyhood disappeared. That is the first day he stepped foot in a classroom. He was barely 3 years old. As with all the other parents who send their child off to early intervention programs, I stressed about whether I was doing the right thing. All this activity and work seemed so overwhelming for a baby. He was still a baby!

I had read all the literature. I knew that early intervention was critical. I believed that he needed more help than we could provide alone. I knew that he needed socialization. I knew that he needed to talk. I knew that he had to go...

But it was so scary putting my child on a school van and waving goodbye knowing that he couldn't speak for himself. My mommy brain was filled with scenarios of him wandering away when no one was looking. He wouldn't be able to tell them that his name was JP. He wouldn't even be able to say that he was in Mrs. D's class. I worried the van would get him to school and the teachers wouldn't know who he was. I figured they would be checking his underwear to see what name was sewn in them. (Just kidding...I don't know how to sew) Putting him on that school van was the hardest thing I had ever done.

That is why I didn't do it. We chickened out. Dad took him to the classroom his first day. We wanted his first experience of school to be positive. We were concerned about the van ride being too traumatic. We believed the hours at school would be a positive experience and that the van would be less scary if he knew it was taking him home to Mommy. He could ride the van to school after we had success with the other parts of the plan.

I prepared a social story. We read it over and over again. He really seemed to understand that he was going to school to play for a few hours and then the van would bring him home to Mommy. Dad took him to school that first day and got him settled. It helped that he loved shapes, numbers and letters. The walls were adorned with all his favorite things. The teachers went over his social story with him. When it was time to go home, he climbed aboard the van clutching his social story with the picture of the van taking him home to Mommy. He did amazingly well that first day. Probably better than his parents.

He really adjusted to school like a trooper. I will always remember sitting on the front porch singing our corny song while we waited for the van to arrive. As he learned to talk more he started singing with me.

Today is a day we go to school. Go to school. Go to school.
Today is a day we go to school. Early in the morning.

The school van comes to take us there. Take us there. Take us there.
The school van comes to take us there. Early in the morning.

While we are there we laugh and play. Laugh and play. Laugh and play.
While we are there we laugh and play. All through the morning.

Then the van comes to take us home. Take us home. Take us home.
Then the van comes to take us home. All the way to Mommy!

Well, I have since come to terms that in order to have a childhood my son had to relinquish his babyhood so early in life. All of his activities have taught him to tolerate/appreciate other people and the basics of how to be a social being. Yes, we have a long way to go but because of his experiences these past 2 1/2 years he now has a chance at life. He may not have had a carefree toddler existence but I really believe that he is now going to have a fairly normal childhood.

May 25, 2007. Today was JP's last day of preschool and I can't help but reflect on what happened to his toddlerhood. Like the parents of all the incoming Kindergarteners, I am in shock that my baby has grown up. School! How can my baby be in school! I shouldn't be surprised. I've spent 2 1/2 years preparing for it. This is the first milestone I had carved into our long term autism battle. Mainstream Kindergarten. Check. We've accomplished that.

I am very proud of the the child JP has become. He is a smart, beautiful little man with a heart of gold. But why does time have to go so fast? We spend so much time thinking about how to prepare him for a field trip or for a trip to the dentist. We plan and prepare. Plan and prepare. Sometimes I hate that we get so busy with the planning and then are so hyper vigilant during the event that we don't even get to absorb the experience. I hate that autism has taken that privilege away from us. I vow to try to slow down and cherish those moments.

I can't believe that my baby has grown up on me. I know it is happening. I have charts up the wazoo showing his developmental milestones. We've been commenting on how tall he is getting. Freckles are starting to pepper his cheeks. But somehow, today his maturity hit me right between the eyes. I watched him and his classmates walk to the park for their final fun day. I watched him accept his diploma from his teacher and give her a hug. He loved up on his speech path and showed a real connection! He really is a little man. Wow! He has come a long way in 2 1/2 years!

Although I miss my baby, I am loving this amazing little man!