Saturday, March 31, 2007

A new therapy with great promise...

I had heard from another autism family about a gymnastics facility that is run by an OT who has worked with a lot of disabled kids. They have gymnastic classes for "regular" kids and they also have adaptive classes available. Although JP has responded very well to our sensory integration program with our private OT, he still has some strength and coordination issues. So I thought this might prove to be a good therapy for him. (Plus Grandma G offered to provide a scholarship!)

So Friday we went for an assessment before registering for classes. This was a trial run of sorts so that she could see what he needs working on and so that I could decide if it was worth the money before committing to an entire session.

I don't even know where to begin...it was unbelievable! JP was intrigued by the facility and he definitely got a little LOT hyper but the teacher was awesome with him! She knew just how much to push and how much to ease off. She got him crawling across the high beam, jumping on the spring board, rolling on the mats and even hanging from a bar. He did forward and backward somersaults and even a headstand. It was all amazing but the hanging from the bar was shocking because this kid will NOT do monkey bars. I have tried and tried. He absolutely will not support his weight while hanging--until yesterday. It was a thing of beauty. He even cried out, "Look at me, Mommy!" I felt the tears well up.

Then she brought out a mini bar that is about 6 inches off the floor. She asked him to squat by it and showed him how to kick his legs up. He followed her directions and had a grin on his face the entire time. Well, she just had in mind his holding on to the bar and kicking his feet up behind him. But JP decided that it would be fun to jump over the bar. So after doing it her way a couple of times he did it his way. She even encouraged him and told him what a great idea he had! He did it a few more times and then said, "Now you do it."

(mom's jaw hit the floor)

So she did. They took turns and then he joined her. She started counting "one, two, three, jump" and they jumped over side by side together. He was totally regulating his actions to her!!!! He was grinning from ear to ear and it was obvious that he felt responsible for creating such a wonderful game!

Okay, at this point my eyes were welling up. I was grinning from ear to ear and thinking that he looked like such a typical 5 year old. Then get this!!!! She said "one, two, three...jump" for like the 5th time and she jumped over the bar while he surprised us all and jumped backwards with a "gotcha" look on his face! It took my breath away. She looked at me at that instant with a huge grin. I think she even realized how amazing that was! Of course, one look at me and she almost cried as well.

So yes, we are starting gymnastics classes this week.

Here you go. I only have a few left.

The unveiling continues...

Regarding the chelation debate:

A fellow blogger asked me to “google chelation and death" before going down that road. He was concerned and a firm believer AGAINST chelation. He blogs as a parent of an autistic child. He is also a doctor. He says that his stand is as a parent and not a doctor. However, today he has reversed that. I understand his predicament. He is a doctor and has taken an oath. He vowed to follow "hard-won scientific gains of those physicians in whose steps he walks and gladly share such knowledge" with the rest of us.

To him I respond that I value his opinion as a parent but I can't not take his advice as a doctor. He is a doctor who likely received 10 minutes of autism education in medical school. I don't know how old my "doctor blogger friend" is but during med school he might have been told the course of action is to institutionalize the child immediately. He should get the child out of the dreadful hands of his refrigerator mom! Or during med school he might have been told that the child with autism is not going to grow up to be functional or live on his own. Proper action would be to refer the parents to get counseling for themselves to deal with the sadness and suggest they get their affairs in order so that someone will be able to care for the child after they are gone.

I am 100% sure that his 10 minutes did not teach him that each of these children is different yet many have similar medical ailments. I doubt that he was taught in medical school that there are medical issues underlying some of their symptoms. I doubt that they told him that an autistic patient wouldn't have constipation or diarrhea because he is autistic but rather he might show autistic symptoms because something is causing him to have chronic constipation or diarrhea.

Now, don't get me wrong. My doctor friend probably knows a lot of this because he has an autistic child. In that respect I value his input. He even advised me in my own comment section a few days ago that ...

"And if a doctor tells you that something is OK, then it can't really be bad, right? Wrong."

Question everything. We are told over and over again to look at the studies and the science. I would really like to. I would really feel much better knowing that the experts have the answers. But there just isn't much out there. Our government is too busy counting our kids and spending their money looking for these new transforming genes that decided to go ballistic and alter the lives of this generation of children. Unfortunately, what studies are out there can be refuted in a number of ways. And I am talking about the studies on both sides of the debate!

I am not a moron. I have had a number of science and statistics courses in my lifetime. I have a masters degree. I know how to read and write and jump through hoops. That is really all my claim to "higher education" should convince you of. I even did my time in business management and know how numbers can be tweaked to substantiate a cause. And I see this happening on both sides of the debate. I don't know who to believe. Frankly, I don't think I really am truly committed to either side. So instead, I tried to look outside the autism community to help make our decision.

Yes, I googled "chelation and death". In fact, I did it a couple of years ago. It turns up LOTs of links. However, once you start looking at them it turns out that most of them are fellow bloggers spouting off hot air. Just like I am doing now.

So I researched chelation again at the request of my fellow parent blogger who happens to be a doctor. Again, all I find of substance is 3 documented deaths between the years of 2003 and 2005. In each case there was also discussion as to a medical mishaps between calcium and sodium EDTA. Also in the two first cases, Autism wasn’t even a factor. Yes, the third case, Abubakar Tariq Nadama, was being treated for Autism. Rest assured, I do not take any of these deaths lightly and I do take notice to that much of the discussion is about whether Tariq should have been receiving chelation in the first place for mercury toxicity.

However, in my search for answers over a year and a half ago, I also found from a review of “medical peer reviewed journals” (aka the bible to you in the medical community) that stated that American medicine frequently causes more harm than good. Here are some statistics that they provided:
These number are real and tangible. Here is the link. If you find that provider suspect I suggest you check the stats through the CDC or IOM. The numbers are all over. I chose this source because they made the nice little table for me to share with you.

Those numbers are scary but then you have to wonder how accurate they even are. Generally speaking, doctors are taught that mistakes are unacceptable. And truthfully, we want our doctors to be infallible because one tiny mistake could cost a human life. So how many medical accidents are out there that we don’t even hear about?

One study in the UK found that only 25% of their adverse incidents WERE REPORTED. (75% were not!!!) Why not? For reason of protecting staff or preserving reputations or out of fear of lawsuits. Another analysis found that only 1.5 percent of all adverse events resulted in an incident report, and only 6 percent of adverse drug events were identified properly.

Okay, so my next train of thought was considering the passion/anger out there about chelation treatments for autism I was confident that if there is a serious event…it was going to make the news! People are chomping at the bit to prove the dangers of this treatment. I am hoping that this means that a death from chelation could NOT get swept under the rug! Still there is little out there.

So after A LOT of thought and consideration we went with our research. JP had lots of gains with diet, gut issues and supplementation. We had blood, urine, and stool tests showing our son's current health. We started transdermal (not IV) chelation with our son over a year ago. I have no regrets.

He has been a great responder and the changes from his biomedicals and behavioral programs this past year have been 10 fold more than the year previous with only behavioral supports in place. We have tests showing metals flowing out of him. We have lab tests showing that he had lots of metals but no mercury in his blood, urine, stool, hair before chelation. This was a red flag as we should all have some mercury coming out of our bodies. After all mercury is in the world we live. This red flag meant that his body was not naturally detoxifying for him. We cautiously tried chelation and have found that mercury is now leaving his body.

After we began chelating, Abubakar Tariq Nadama died. Believe me I studied the case. However, that case again showed a medical confusion between Calcium and Sodium EDTA . As unfortunate as his death was, I see his death as resulting from medical error not chelation itself. Yes, he might still be alive if his family had not been doing chelation therapy but then he might be here talking with his parents about his day at school had the doctors not mixed up the types of medications.

(His parents reported that he had made gains from his previous chelation sessions.)

We are following a much different protocol with JP and approaching the detox process much slower. We are being much more conservative. Actually, I am not aware of any families doing IV chelation. I suppose they are out there but this has not been an option even discussed with either DAN doctor we have consulted.

We are on hiatus right now just as a precaution letting JP's body rest for a few months. There was no medical necessity but we chose to take it slow. But we will be continuing.

I just want to post my thoughts regarding chelation. I left this detail out of my initially "outing myself" post. Chelation is a big step. Not all families that are persuing biomedicals proceed to chelation. And I don't want anyone to turn their back on biomedicals because they feel pressured to chelate. But I want my voice heard. Not every family we know has seen dramatic gains with chelation. But some have. We have.

JP is making great gains and truly showing a love for life and the people around him. I don't question if we are doing the right thing. My answer is in his face and demeanor. We are not seeking to cure him. He will always be autistic. He will always have quirks but now he shows them off proudly with a smile.

Yes, there are risks. Even the medical community will acknowledge that 98,000 people die every year from medical error. But there are only 3 documented chelation deaths since 2002. Interesting all 3 fit in that medical error category as well.

Just my two cents.

Friday, March 30, 2007

March Time Capsule

A Moment in Time...

JP

What is your favorite...

COLOR: "Red" Why red? "Because Lightning McQueen" Oh, does McQueen have other colors? "oh, yes! (long pause) (long pause) but I like yellow for Winnie the Pooh". Mommy likes blue. "oh, blue is for the King." Yep, the King is blue in Cars, isn't he. But so is Blue on Blues Clues. "oh yes." (fake yawn, fake yawn...silence...fake yawn--time to move on...)

BOOK : "The Many Adventures of Winnie the Pooh" Really, why that one? "Because Pooh looks for his honey pots in the honey tree." Does he find them. "Yessss!" What does he do with them? (Fake sneeze) He climbs the honey tree and he hums a little hum." Can you show me? "It says hum hum de dum dum." (I attempt to repeat the hum hum de dum dum). "No, its like...Hum de de dum dum I'm ...(proceeds to sing the song...I can't get it all written down...something about climbing a tree like a bee...I'm a pooh bear...oh bother.

(Full round of applause and on to the next questions.)

MOVIE: "My movie is Winnie the Pooh and the Honey Tree". Why that one? "Because Pooh gets more honey pots in the honey tree." Does he eat the honey? "Yes, but where is my honey? I'm pooh bear...where is my honey pots? Maybe I'll go get my honey pots. I'll be right back. (and he is gone...returns with the red #8 cup from T's stacking cups. He proceeds to slurp imaginary honey from the cup. "Yummy!"

(In walks Daddy)...."Daddy, I'm pooh bear. I have honey. Oh bother. Empty again." (runs off)

(After a full scale Pooh Bear production we return to our regularly scheduled questions.)

FOOD:"Honey." (Now I have tried building off of this interest. The boy will not eat honey. I have tried and tried so I know that it is not his favorite food.) Pooh, I need to talk to JP now. I'll talk to Pooh later. So JP, other than honey, what is your favorite food? "JP likes strawberries" said Pooh and he ran away in search of honey.

(two hours later we have grudgingly colored, played trains/cars in the bedroom, read a couple of books(not Pooh books), eaten a real snack (not honey), T is finally down for a nap and we return to our questions)

DRINK: "Strawberry limeade." (This is a big surprise. We know he likes it but he has never mentioned it aside from when he has one in his hand. Dad likes to make quick stops at Sonic for Strawberry limeades.) So where do you get that? (long pause) Where do you get strawberry limeade? "At the strawberry limeade house." Oh yeah, I think it is called Sonic. "Sonic!" Do you go there with daddy. "Yes! Sonic! (pause) Whose Sonic?" That is where you get your strawberry limeade. "Oooohhh! Sonic!"

TOY: "a car toy" Which car toy is your favorite? "Lightning McQueen toy." Do you have a second favorite toy? "Yeah I have a Mater toy." Do you have a third favorite toy? "Oh yes, hmmm" What is it? "oh, maybe um, maybe..." What is your third favorite toy? "a boat toy" A boat toy? (we don't have a boat toy except an old bath boat but he doesn't ever use it) Where do you have a boat toy? (long pause) "I got it at Smallville." (**town name has been changed to protect the guilty**) Where in Smallville? "At Grandma P's living room." Oh. (pause)"Oh, whose oh?"

(The conversation died there as I was too shocked to carry on. There is a pirate ship that Grandma brings out when we visit. Truthfully we have played with that ship maybe twice in the past year.)

LETTER: "A" Can pick you second favorite letter? "B. The b says baa as in the word bubble. Does the b say baa in the word bubble?" Yes, I think you are right. Okay, I need another favorite letter but not c. You can't pick c. What would be your next favorite letter but not a c? "D. What does C mean? I want c,d,e,f, g but no h's." (sound bite complements of the Leapfrog Letter Factory video)

NUMBER: "I like the number 1. 1. 1." Why 1? "Because it was on the number movie." What number movie? "Counting movie. The counting movie by Baby Einstein Company." That's right. (gulp--maybe we watch too many videos) I think I like the number 5 because that is how old JP is. (fake sneeze and he playfully bopped the baseball cap off of mom's head to end the discussion of numbers)

(I don't know. We do have lots of videos but we do so much else too. Sadly, I don't feel like I can ban videos...where would his scripts come from? So much of his language is scripts. Typically, he uses the scripts appropriately. It is just that after two viewings he has the entire thing memorized, cataloged and filed away for later use.)

SONG: "it looks like hum de dum dum hum de dum...rumbling in my tummy... hum de dum dum...oh I wouldn't climb these trees if a pooh flew like a bee...but i wouldn't be a bear then...there is some honey and I'm a pooh bear so I need to climb there...time for something...(crash lands and run around the room)...oh bother." (very brief pause) "Shall I sing hum de dum dum hum again?" Oh yes! (and this time I got to watch it since I didn't have to type it all out! Perhaps we have a thespian in our midst. Do they have any Pooh productions on Broadway? Off Broadway?)

Interesting side note: JP was eating his toast when T woke up this morning. I said to him, "I'll be right back. I'm going to go get T". He got up and ran by me yelling, "I got him". I followed a few steps behind. He knocked on T's door, opened it, and said, "Hi, Piglet. I brought Christopher Robin with me." Then when I walked in he said, "Hi, Christopher Robin. "

So during breakfast I asked since Mommy is Christopher Robin who is JP? As if it wasn't obvious--JP is Pooh Bear! So is Mrs. T (his preschool teacher) Owl since she is so smart? "Daddy is owl" said JP. I guess I should be thankful I am not Eeoyre as my gloom and doom attitude makes that a natural choice!


OUR FAMILY
_______


My additions:

JP is still a bit temperamental but he has had a good month. His meltdowns had been so much better this past year; however, the last few months have caught us up and we have likely passed our quota. One moment we see really big gains in socialization and play skills and the next moment he is completely out of control. So far he isn't really getting physical...just very angry and very noisy. Typically he recovers okay. We just lose 15-20 minutes of our day each time.

Biggest stims - Still a lot of Buzz Lightyear scripting. Some McQueen talk and during the last week of March we reacquainted ourselves with Pooh bear (duh, you say!)
Bed time books:



Baby T

FOOD: cinnamon toast, pasta, hot dogs, chicken fingers, cheese. He still loves the Hamburger Helper Cheesy Beef Taco single servings, mac-n-cheese, ramen noodles, green beans, oranges, pineapple chunks, pickles, popcorn, rice crispy bars

DRINK: Milk from a bottle. Juice from a sippy cup. Anything with a straw! If you have a drink with a straw...IT IS MINE! T recently discovered Fruit Punch Gatorade.

MOVIES: Anything Baby Einstein. Anything Wiggles.

TOYS:


Our CARS characters love racing through this parking garage.

Dora's talking backpack taught T how to say backpack.


This is Puppydog. We sleep together.

I am a scribble pro. Mommy made me use this after I scribbled all over brother's Vineland-II Assessment form for the school. I don't know why she got upset--my scribbles looked just as good as hers!

My favorite "toys" are those things up high. You know...things like pencils, ziploc bags from the kitchen, the cheese grader from yet another drawer in the kitchen. If you turn your back for even a second I will scoot the chair over to the table, get on the chair, get on the table or even the counters. That is where all the cool toys are!

I love to play cars and trains with my big brother. Unfortunately I am just a little short to reach the middle of the train table so I always have to climb on top of it to get my train across the bridge. JP doesn't like it when I do this and always rats me out to Mom. I am just pretending to be Godzilla!


BOOKS:




WORDS/ACTIONS:
(against my better judgement I will include these...I'll try not to over analyze)

Daddy, BaBa (bottle), ball, I did it!, Bye Bye(with a finger wiggle), Baby, straw, Bath, puppy/dog, All done, Mama, head, backpack, car, go (We say "ready, set" and he says "go"), Three (We say "one, two" and he says "three"), Burp game (pretends to burb and cover his mouth), peek a boo, noisy/sloppy kisses, blows noisy kisses, touches head during "monkey jumping on the bed", wags finger no during the "no jumping on the bed" part.

Grabs your nose, eyes, mouth, ears if you name the items. Only points to his own nose however will grab all of these parts on JP. Will walk up to JP and pull on his ears.

Will pounce on JP if we say "Dog Pile".
Will head to the stairs if you say it is time for a bath.
Will head to the refrigerator if you ask if he wants milk.
Will wave bye bye if you start to get out the coats.
Will give you his feet if you have his socks and shoes to put on. (unless he is in the mood to run away)
Will bring food from the pantry to Mom. Usually goldfish, rice crispy bars, or fruit snacks.
Will run from you (with the naughty item) when you tell him no.

Reportedly heard but unverified: duck, cup, juice, fish, JP
T has started being bashful around other people.

Wednesday, March 28, 2007

A good night sleep?

After two days of a stomach virus I emerge to find my house is a mess. The sink is overrun with dishes. There is laundry piled up in the hallway. I'm not sure which piles are the clean piles and which are the dirty ones. The kitchen floor has unidentified goo on it. (not sure that has anything to do with my being incapacitated) But the boys are all healthy so it is all okay.

Yes, it has been a crazy couple of days here. Monday afternoon I realized that I didn't feel quite right. Monday night I knew that I wasn't right. Hubbie sent me to bed at 9:00 alone in our room. He took the baby monitor and headed to his basement office. He had to monitor a couple of jobs at work and figured he would monitor the baby as well. He has a single bed down there as it also serves as a guest room. It was a wonderful gesture. We parted ways that night with him saying to get a good night sleep and we would assess our situation after we knew how I felt the next morning.

7:00am Tuesday -
Dad pops his head in the bedroom. He asks how I feel. Since I was up every couple of hours during the night "taking care of business", I explain that he might have to cover the kid detail atleast for the morning. He responds, "Well, I didn't get to sleep until 6am."

WHAT THE HELL!

I have to admit in that moment I was pissed. He knew I was sick. Why didn't he rest up. I'm mostly annoyed because when he was sick the week before he was able to hide away. He took a couple days off of work and slept undisturbed. Poor me. Where is my equal treatment? Life as Mom can be damned unfair!

All I did was groan at him. I knew it wasn't as though he stayed up on purpose. I knew it was the demons that he works for. Let me tell you that access to work from home is not all it is cracked up to be. They own you! An issue came up overnight (as it often does) and he spent his entire night watching the files run and fixing them when they crashed. (He is a computer programmer.) There are times I hate his job. Then there are the times that I realize that without his job we would be in big trouble.

I tried to drag myself out of bed. He told me to go back to sleep and that he would get JP on the school van and hang with T. I knew he had to be exhausted and I really did try to get up. But as I tried to climb out of bed I got a nasty charlie horse in my calf and had to wrestle away the cramp for a good 3 minutes. Then after it subsided and I stepped gingerly on my leg I realized that I was nauseous. So I climbed back in bed.

I woke up a little before noon. Dad was in my office off the living room logged into work. T was watching Boobah on TV. I got lunch ready for the boys and then JP arrived home. I actually felt better by this point and was no longer dashing to the restroom. Dad took JP to his class at the Y and I hung with T. It was a day full of TV and laziness. (Or as JP would say...being a couch potato)

By 9pm last night we were all dragging. Dad was exhausted. I was feeling better but also exhausted. We tag teamed the baths and got the kids to bed on time. BUT GET THIS....at bedtime JP asked to listen to his Cars soundtrack instead of his Winnie the Pooh Storybook CD!!!

However when I checked on him at 10 (to turn out his night light and switch to his classical music) he was still wide awake. He was reading his Winnie the Pooh story book but still listening to the Cars soundtrack. (That meant that he had gotten up and started it again.) He did allow me to turn off the nightlight but he wanted to finish his CD. I wasn't about to say no so I snuck back in at 11 to switch CDs. He sleeps all night to classical music for white noise and I didn't want to risk some of the more intense tracks from the Cars CD waking him up at 3am.

So I guess during this crazy period we got to celebrate a happy moment...overcoming our issues with listening to our "favorite song" out of the context of its movie.

So, anyway, I went to sleep around 11 and got a good night sleep. It was wonderful. The boys and I got up at 7 this morning and have proceeded as though nothing was ever wrong. However, Dad just got up at noon. Poor guy. He had to do a little late night work again last night so he slept in. He's now headed to the office looking like a zombie.

I owe him for suffering in silence. Don't get me wrong, I am still frustrated that Mom never gets to be sick without guilt. Where are my two days holed up in my room alone with no concerns other than sleeping it off? But I can't really complain because truthfully Hubbie really got the raw end of the deal. Between work and family--he has an awful lot of people expecting him to do it all. Poor guy.

Sunday, March 25, 2007

Outing myself

(first off, I apologize for the length of this post!)

The recent Discover Magazine article, Autism: It's Not Just in the Head has brought about debate in blogland. Actually I wouldn't call it a debate. Those that feel noble in their assessments--bash it. The rest of us just read it and move on. In this situation I usually find myself withdrawing. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. They have theirs and I have mine. But then I realized that I never come across anyone in blogland who shares mine. They are out there. We just don't speak up. But I have come across a couple of blogger friends who are taking a moment to pause and consider biomedicals. They are overwhelmed and unsure. It is for them that I am outing myself.

As I scanned through my blog I realized that I have left out a critical part of JP's therapy. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure out why I my have subconsciously done this. Perhaps it wasn't so subconscious...I tend to avoid debate. I am not here to debate anyone. However, I have decided that if I am serious about reason #5 regarding "why I blog" than I need to address this issue.

Biomedicals.
Yes, we do them. Yes, I believe in them. And yes, I credit them with a lot of the gains JP has achieved. If you have been a reader of my blog you also know that we also have a verbal behavior program in place. We also have explored PRT, ABA, RDI and social stories. He has speech therapy and occupational therapy. We are doing a developmental soccer program and adaptive swimming. He is getting ready to start a gymnastics class. We are trying a listening program to help with his auditory issues.

Ultimately, JP is a very busy boy! We do and try everything. Some works. Some doesn't. We try it. Give it time to take hold. If it doesn't work, we move on. That is just how life works. That is not unique to autism. That is how any rational person deals with the issues in their life. They explore their options and make informed decisions.

So you might ask how I know biomedicals deserve some of the credit. After all it might have been the other therapies that accounted for the gains. Well, that is true. But his discrete trials did not make him poop regularly. We also spent the entire first year hiring out 20+ hours of home therapy help. (We also did continuous therapy when we were with JP). The next summer we started biomedicals and had to reduce our home staff. Despite the reduction of behavioral hours his gains were phenomenal. And no, he did not grow out of it.

It was obvious that he was more in tune with us. He was feeling better in his body and better able to focus. There is no doubt in my mind that this is where his gains came from. Biomedicals aren't curing him but they are helping him feel better in his body so that he is more receptive to our other therapies. In my opinion it is a package deal. My child needs therapies from both worlds to move towards his maximum potential.

I find myself get very VERY frustrated with my peers within the autism community. There is so much judgment among the families. Some parents are blamed for trying to "fix or cure" their children. Other parents are blamed for not trying to help their children. There is a lot of passion on both sides of the therapy debate. There are well educated and intelligent people on both sides of the camp. Frankly, both sides would earn a lot more credibility if they showed more respect. Their bickering only turns people off. The name calling only makes it harder for the rest of the autism community to look at the issues and evaluate them for themselves. Truthfully, I tried to avoid both groups for as long as possible because they are just way to intense! And that is wrong. My son lost a year of therapy because I was too intimidated to look at a specific therapy because it was portrayed as quackery.

When JP was diagnosed I made it my focus to help him in the here and now. I focused on the behavioral therapies because that is what was out there. That is what the schools tell you about. That is what the developmental pediatrician tells you about. Biomedicals didn't get much air time and frankly they were scorned by these people I perceived to be "in the know". The biomedical families where portrayed as gullible and desperate.

I even found myself judging a fellow parent who was fully pursing biomedicals. She was helping her son and all I could think was she was wasting time and money. This is such an injustice! Our children are the ones who lose out when we fall into that mindset. I can handle if you think I have gone over to the dark side but what I can't handle is that there is a child out there with chronic diarrhea or constipation and their family doesn't realize that this can be helped. That is not autism. That is an imbalance in their body. That can be fixed and the child can feel better!

Sorry B, if you read that. I didn't mean to judge you but I have to admit that I did. I had fallen prey to the mainstream attitude. But I thank you from the bottom of my heart for being there to answer my questions when I came around! You didn't judge me. You just waited and were there when I started asking questions. You continue to loan me books and share your experiences and I am so thankful for your being there to help ease my anxiety. Especially that first night we did the B12 shots. You and I have since talked yeast, supplements, chelation. We've also talked Verbal Behavior, occupational therapy and auditory training. We talk about autism in general. You know about autism in general. It took my getting involved in biomedicals for me to realize that you are just like me--a parent who is looking into anything and everything to help your son. I apologize for stereotyping you initially just like many of our peers are guilty of stereotyping all of us biomedical families.

Well, what changed my mind and opened my eyes? We had another dramatic life changing event nearly 2 years ago. When T was conceived everything changed. It had to. My perspective changed. I knew that I had a little one coming and I had to know how to protect him. Yes, finding a cause would not change anything for JP but it might prevent T from having to live with the same difficulties.

I had heard the mercury talk and had ignored it. But when the book, "Evidence of Harm" was released something propelled me to picked up a copy. Now, I want to be completely honest about this. I was very skeptical of the "conspiracy theory" attitude but I figured that I am a sensible adult. I can read and pick out those facts that look questionable. I still stand behind that belief. And I do urge other to read the book. It is eye opening. You can take it at 100% or even as 50% factual. It doesn't really matter--it is still eye opening. And, yes, it is mostly one sided. David Kirby mostly provides the story behind the biomedical camp. He did try to interview and tell the side of the CDC but they wouldn't/couldn't talk. Now, when you factor in politics this isn't so surprising. Still it is disappointing. I would like to know the full story...but the best we can ever get is a one sided perspective. But then life is all about perspectives and no two people have the same one.

My thoughts at that time were that mercury could very well be a contributor to the increase in autism. I didn't know if I could blame it for JP's autism. However, I did not feel that genetics could be the full answer either. We do not have any other cases of autism in our extended family. If it was purely genetics than there should be others. In fact, I had never met another autistic individual. So I read the book just to get a glimpse at the debate and decide for myself.

I compare the mercury theory to cancer. We can't say that all cancer is the result of cigarette smoke. Some are, some aren't. But there is no denying that cigarette smoke can be blamed for many cases of cancer. (Now we could debate whether to blame the smoker or the cigarette but that is for another forum). We can't deny that mercury is a neurotoxin. So, just like I ask my mom, "why the hell do you still smoke?". I also pose the question to the powers that be, "Why the hell do you include a neurotoxin in our vaccines?"

My current personal thoughts are that there is a genetic predisposition for some families. We don't excrete toxins as well as our peers. One can pose the questions about why the parents who received childhood vaccines didn't get autism. That is true but we received fewer vaccinations in our day and our environment was cleaner. For example, we could actually catch and eat fish in the local ponds. Today much of the fish in our region (in the heartland) has been deemed not suitable to eat due to environmental toxins. Our world has changed.

Not only do our kids have to breathe in more pollution today but they have also been jabbed with many more vaccines. And I firmly believe that those kids whose genetics don't allow them to excrete mercury and other metals have paid the price. I've seen the statistic over and over again. They say that 1 in 6 kids has some sort of developmental delay. What the hell! How does that happen? Can we say that it has to be vaccines. No. There are many other environmental issues at play. This isn't a fight about vaccines. I feel that they play a part but it is about toxins in all shapes and forms. I truly feel that an intelligent adult can not deny that something is amiss.

Another crazy reality for me was when I went to my Ob-Gyn to confirm my pregnancy. They gave me a pamphlet on mercury levels in tuna and how pregnant women should limit their consumption. I also received a pamphlet on how important it was to me and my fetus that I get a flu shot. Something is amiss.

The mercury debate is a very heated one. The mercury side is adamant that we need to do something to stop altering the lives of our new babies. When we spend research dollars on studying genetics and helping the already diagnosed, we allow more babies to join their ranks. I don't think that they mean that we shouldn't research these avenues but they desperately want funds applied to prevention as well. The other side thinks it is all about blame and that these "loonies" just want someone to pay for the wrongs to their children. Then there is the neurodiversity crowd who just thinks that we should leave the children alone. To them, I only say that this goes beyond just accepting their quirks. I love my son's quirks. That is who he is. But I want him to be comfortable in his body and be the best that he can be. I owe it to him to make that possible.

I think there is fault with the government but I also feel that pushing that issue will get us nowhere. Face it, if every family who vaccinated had cause to sue than there would be little money to be had for those impacted children. And yes, every family could sue...not just those with autism! Every family would have a case if there was negligence on behalf of the government because every family could have been impacted. (But then it does look like atleast 1 out of 6 has been impacted) But again, this goes beyond the vaccine program. We have to look at our environment as a whole. Our children have a genetic susceptibility and vaccines as well as other environmental pollutants have pulled the trigger.

It is fruitless to focus on making someone "pay" for this wrong. But I will stand behind the statement that we have been abandoned by society when it comes to serving our kids. We can't
afford to pay out of pocket for these therapies. And these therapies are helping some of them.

There has to be a calm place in the middle where sensible adults can talk about the issues. But the politics all around us keep that from happening. Politics keep some families from exploring biomedicals. They are expensive. They are portrayed as alternative. They are portrayed as dangerous. If your child had lead poisoning the medical establishment would authorize chelation. Yet within the autism community it is said that we are "risking the lives of our children".

Politics allows the government to leave us families fending for ourselves. Politics makes doctors who support our theories outcasts in their medical community. Those who raise issues or speak against the system become quacks. Politics allows the insurance companies to tell us that our children aren't worthy of receiving these therapies because society has already written them off. Politically speaking this is a huge snowball, and no one wants start the avalanche.

Until hell freezes over and our political climate changes, the lives of our children remain in our hands. There won't be adequate research to support biomedicals because they are too busy searching for the genes that have magically gone ballistic with the current generation. I am not doing anything risky with my child's life but I am out there traveling the dirt roads finding the way. His future is in my hands and I owe it to him to explore all of the paths.

Okay, off my soap box.

I probably should explain our path into biomedicals. There is so much to learn. To the new family looking at it...take it slow. Pace yourself. Our journey with autism is a marathon. You are not running a sprint so don't get going so fast that you collapse from exhaustion. And find a good DAN doctor that you like. Don't feel restricted to the only one local or the only one your insurance may pay part of. If your child was needing brain surgery you would find the best...not the cheapest. ( I know that is easier said that done)

I just want to state for the record that we entered the biomedical world very cautiously. I wasn't completely sold on it and frankly I was turned off by the conspiracy theories. But we had just found out we were pregnant. There was a mini-DAN conference held locally. Looking back I find this to be extremely lucky. It was what I needed and when I needed it. Our state does not have much biomedical support so it is bizarre to me that they held a conference here. In fact, those of us doing biomedical therapies have to travel 2-3 hours to consult with a DAN doctor.

Unfortunately (fortunately?) , we do have one DAN doctor in our local community. He is one of those doctors that I feel does a great injustice to the biomedical cause. Apparently he met the bare minimum requirements to become a DAN practitioner and then proceeded to do mostly his own stuff. He doesn't run blood, stool or urine tests. By all accounts he is a quack. He feels pressure points and then tells you what supplements your child needs. I am telling you this because I am certain there are quacks out there. There are weeds in every lawn. And it is doctors like this that are used to belittle the DAN organization.

I have consulted a DAN doctor in Santa Monica, California and one in Kansas City. Many of our local families go to Kansas City. Both of these doctors are professionals who look at the individual child and find the treatments that your child needs. It is not a "one treatment fits every child" philosophy. We are continually evaluating my son's outputs and blood levels to monitor that everything is okay. If you consult a DAN doctor and feel like they quack...they probably are. Don't give up on the DAN organization as a whole. Find another one. Give another one a try.

This post is getting ridiculously long. I just feel like I have to explain myself. And that is ridiculous. I know that there will be some of you out there that judge us for doing biomedicals. I know this because I read the contempt and scorn in some of your own blog postings. I just took this leap of faith because I hope that by now as a reader of my blog you realize that we are smart and educated parents. We are not sheep.

One of my goals for my blog was to help other families who are facing autism. I just hope that my honestly will help you consider biomedicals and show you that it is something to consider. You aren't going to get referrals from your school teachers or your pediatrician. But I am finding that there are many more of us biomedical families out there than you realize. In fact, even here in the heartland where we define "conservative", I am finding that many of the other autism families are approaching biomedicals. There are many of us out there. But most stay quiet about it. I find that sad. We really should be yelling from the rooftops so that other families will know that there is hope. However the only voices that those families hear tend to be the naysayers. That is frustrating. I am sorry if I have helped perpetuate that.

But I am saying it now. We are not sheep and we are not desperate. We love our child. We are not seeking to cure him. We are seeking to make his body healthy and to make him comfortable in his body. We are using biomedicals and it is helping.

So how is it helping? Here are a couple of our early successes...

My son had horrible yeast issues. I didn't realize that it wasn't normal for a 3 year old to still have 3-5 loose stools a day. I didn't know that until I attended the DAN conference and found out that so many of our kids have yeast/gut issues. That is a real medical issue. Our pediatrician did not catch it. It took my willingness to delve into the biomedicals and do the research before we got any resolution. As a footnote, JP took Nystatin for a little over 6 weeks and became "regular" for the first time in his life. He still has pretty much one solid bowel movement a day. No more chronic diarrhea! I truly believe that if we had not helped him deal with his yeast issues than we wouldn't have him potty trained by now.

Another eye opener for us was Methyl B12 shots. This was the first leap of faith we took. Nystatin was mainstream but giving our son a shot was a bit scary. Yes it is just a vitamin but it was still unsettling. Fortunately the needle is very tiny. Up until recently we gave it to him while he slept and he didn't even wake up. Now we do it while he is awake. Anyway, this was our first step out on the biomedical limb. Hubbie and I talked before hand and agreed that we would not discuss if we thought we "saw progress" immediately. We both worried that we would see progress where there really wasn't any. You know, wishful thinking and all.

Well, we gave JP his first shot. I watched him like a hawk. He seemed a little more chatty but I couldn't be sure. We gave his second shot three days later. That next night Dad and JP were going out for a walk. I couldn't help myself and mentioned to Dad that I though JP had been more spontaneous with his labeling of items. Dad pooh poohed me and told me that it was too early to tell. I was just doing wishful thinking.

(JP was a little guy who could identify everything yet he never used his language to share that with you. If you asked him, "what is that" he would answer but that was the extent of his language. He never spontaneously labeled items.)

They came back from their walk. Dad was grinning. They had walked around the pond near our house. This was the same route they took every night. Typically JP would just lay over the side of the wagon and watch the wheel go round and round. This night he chattered nonstop. He said duck and tree and water and flower. He labeled everything. He didn't point but he spontaneously shared what he was seeing! Dad was sold. Mom was sold.

Now, I want to put a foot note on that story. That was our experience. B12 just happened to be something that JP reacted very well too. Not all kids will have such a burst. Thankfully we did! But please know that I am not telling you that B12 cured my autistic child. No! It seems to have helped him focus and brought about more language.

I have other biomedical experiences but this isn't about converting anyone to biomedicals. I just wanted to illustrate our successes with biomedicals. I share hoping that my readers will realize that biomedicals are not all about chelation! There are so many real medicial issues that our children are facing. Many of these issues our regular pediatrician should have caught but he didn't. He isn't an autism expert. He didn't realize how common yeast is and that we should evaluate JP for it. Much of the medical community just assumes that we are desperate parents. Our kids can't tell them that their tummy hurts and our word doesn't always mean much. It should. That is the biggest perk of dealing with a DAN doctor.

Well, this post is getting way to long. I could talk forever. But I won't. I just really wanted to put my voice out there. This article was a good read and I hope that it will give pause to some of the other autism families. Please don't get caught up in the political debates. Just look at the issues and do what you feel you can for child.

Another good source to explain these issues is Children with Starving Brains by Jaquelyn McCandless, MD. Sometimes it takes a few months to get in to consult with your DAN doctor. This book would be a good source to get you going.

I really don't know why I decided to out myself. This isn't really a big issue but I find myself so frustrated when I read blogs by others who ridicule the biomedical world. We all want the same thing and we should not judge others for exploring other avenues. And remember exploring does not mean that you have to go through with any of it. You can always pick up the book or go to an consultation and then decide it is not for you. You don't have to do anything you are not comfortable with. I only hope that my honesty will help give credibility to the cause and that it will give you pause.

Friday, March 23, 2007

Notable events

The flap about Baby T
First of all, thanks for the supporting words regarding my anxiety attack over T. I know I am probably overreacting. Honestly, he is doing great with his receptive language. We aren't getting new words flooding in but he does chatter a lot. Some new words. But it is mostly still baby chatter rather than words. His words are only used labeling things and that is a point of sensitivity for me. That was the only functional language JP had at the time of his diagnosis.

I can run through a long list of developmental milestones. T is meeting all of the major ones but I am not a good judge of the language ones. I don't have experience with what type of communication is normal for a 16 month old. As anxious as I am, I don't think it is time to have someone evaluate him. I think I am just being paranoid. To the casual observer he is communicating. When we ask if he wants a juice he goes to the refrigerator. When we ask if he wants a bath he runs to the stairs. I guess what I am obsessing about is when does he start asking us for the drink or to take a bath. I am looking for that initiation. I think it is too early to expect that. But that doesn't mean that I won't continue to over analyze his every move.

But thanks for your support. I will try not to become annoying with my pleas for reassurance. I just really needed to hear it this week.

Kachow Song Therapy
Now, for a kachow song update. Our drive therapy seems to have made an impact. In fact, last night as we headed out for Burger King (for dinner and some social interaction with unsuspecting neurotypicals) JP asked for his "car music". Today I am going to try and reintroduce it into his bedroom. He was very accepting of it being played in the van. However, I have a feeling that it is more acceptable since he is in a vehicle at the time. In fact, much of the time he calls the Van, Mack. (Mack is McQueen's semi that hauls him across the country) So perhaps he is more tolerant of the music in this context as they overlap in his mind. We'll see how it goes when we play it on the radio in the house again.

Lost Memories
Now for a trivial but monumental disappointment. My camera broke. I am not sure I can live without my camera. It is an extention of my right hand. I take pictures of everything! How can I have pictures of every milestone of JP's life for 5 years and 3 months and then stop. How can I have pictures of every moment of T's life for almost 17 months and then stop. How can I not be documenting every "skill" T shows so that later I can prove that he had it. Obsession, I know. But I am lost.

I don't see any other option but to replace it. It just feels trivial when there are so many other expenses that we need to cover. But I did get some cash for my birthday and I am always told to spend it on myself. I guess I will this time. We are having our taxes done this afternoon so I'll know what kind of refund that will provide.

I am also in the midst of preparing for a garage sale. First I must state that I hate garage sales. They are so much work and I don't like the dickering over prices. It is so bizarre to me that I can put a toy out to sell for a buck and someone will try to get me to take 50cents. Come on! It's a buck! I am not even sure why we put prices on the stuff to begin with. But we need the cash and we have LOTS of toys and clothes to liquidate!

That money was supposed to be a cushion for the next year. I feel guilty taking money away from therapies for a camera. Oh well. I'll just find a cheaper digital camera and keep on moving on.

A little brotherly interaction
As I type this the boys are watching a Wiggles video. T is in a trance. He loves the Wiggles. JP hums along but is paying with his cars. I am in my office where I can hear them but don't have a complete visual. Here is what just transpired...

JP: Mommy, T is a ghost.
Mom: Ha! Does he like being a ghost?
JP: (no answer)
T: Waaaaa!
Mom: JP, when T cries like that it means he doesn't like it. That was a cute idea but let's take the blanket off.
JP: (rip, just like a magician pulling the tablecloth off a table full of dishes)
T: Plop! WAAAA!

Poor little guy. Mommy is secretly pleased that JP is comfortable enough to play with T. That is sort of playing together, isn't it? T doesn't really seem bothered. In fact, he perked up as soon as the blanket was removed. When I left JP was sitting on the floor and T was climbing over him so he could see his movie.

Well I guess I better get back to my boys.

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

A flap or not a flap...that is the question

What is "normal".

I am admittedly in a heightened state of paranoia right now but I have not been able to shake the nauseating feeling that is take hold of me.

I find myself continuously thinking, "Is that flapping?". So I have to ask...when does flapping start? JP doesn't really flap. I don't know what flapping looks like in a 16 month old. But then maybe all 16 month olds flap a little? We do seem to be flapping a lot. Could this just be an awkward coordination phase that all young children go through? He only does it when he gets excited. Uh oh, that sounds like autistic behavior. But then "normal" babies clap when they get excited and we don't deem them autistic. Maybe T is trying to clap. But he knows how to clap. He isn't clapping, he is flapping. Does this mean autism? If this is a sign, should we have seen flapping earlier? Is it just emerging now as he works on motor control? Does "autistic flapping" exist at 16 months. Can I really consider it a sign?

He seems to be doing okay elsewhere. He is verbal. He probably has a dozen words. He doesn't use them a lot but he does use them appropriately. He doesn't ask for things but he does label them. He doesn't ask for a bottle but he chants bottle when he sees it. Should he be asking for a bottle when he is thirsty? JP didn't initiate. I don't know when this should begin.

I am telling myself this is a motor development fluke. A few weeks ago we got a new Baby Einstein video "Baby's First Moves". T loves it. The babies in the video do all kinds of movements: Clapping, jumping, running, peekaboo. In fact, JP loves it as well so we are making it out to be therapy. I helped JP recognize how much T loves it and now it is JP's job to try to get T to do the actions. Great therapy for both of them!

However, for a couple of weeks now T has been waving his arms more. Actually more of just his hands. It sure looks like flapping. But I didn't notice this before we got the new video. Can it just be him learning the motor development from the video. He is just discovering how much fun it is to move his limbs?

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

KACHOW! kachunk


I finally figured it out! I know what the Kachow song is! For two months this has been JP's response to "what is his favorite song" but I hadn't been able to figure out which song he meant. I knew it was from the movie Cars but our conversations around the topic always left me thoroughly confused. Honestly, I think he just likes all the songs but when asked...he always replies "The kachow song".

So anyway, we finally got it straightened out. Real Gone by Sheryl Crow. He really never expresses favorites so I am excited that he claims to have one. I decided to try to get a copy so he can listen to it in his room. He spends a lot of time in there listening to the CD stories of his favorite Disney movies. This would make a nice change. And best of all, Grandma was visiting and you know how Grandma's like to spend money! So we bought the soundtrack.

The next day, he and I went up to his room to play trains. I took the CD up with us. He was very excited by the CD case. I put the music on.....................and he ran screeching from the room with his hands over his ears. He wouldn't come in unless I turned the music off. And I must state for the record that it was not loud. Finally, I did get him to come in and turn it down himself. He finally agreed to let it play as background music but it was so faint that I could barely hear it. He was still anxious the entire time it was on.

If you ask him, it is still his favorite song and he still gets hyped up during the movie when it plays. He just does not like it being played out of the context of his movie. I guess I should have seen this coming. We do this sometimes where we compartmentalize people or things and only accept them in that original format. I always make an effort to shake that up once I identify it.

Shake...shake...shake...stir...stir...stir...shake...shake...shake

So the past few days I have been playing my new favorite CD in my stereo downstairs. Unfortunately, JP goes upstairs. Today I am going to get so brazen that I am going to play it in the van. We spend so much time driving from therapy to therapy that I might as well make the drive time therapy as well, right? However, this first time I think I will save it for the ride home. No sense getting him worked up before his therapy session.

So Kachow I figured it out! But kachunk, why does everything have to become work. Why can't a special treat just be a special treat?

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Chaos reigns

Thanks for all the birthday wishes! No, my absence was not because I got whisked away for a vacation in paradise. We've had travelers pass through and then my parents came to stay for the week. So needless to say, we have been living a crazy life here.

The truly sad part is that with a house full of 4 adults and only 2 children I still didn't find time to finally use the box of hair dye I bought over 3 weeks ago! Oh well, grey is the new blond, right?

Another thrill coming our way is that I get to spend the next week completing all kinds of paperwork. I have our Kindergarten packet to fill out for roundup and I also received the paperwork to complete for JP's re-verification process. Hard to believe that we have been in the special ed system for 3 years now!!! Hopefully the process goes smoothly.

Smoothly. Hmm. YeAh That haPPens.

Either way, I spent the last few days filling out a BASC-2 behavior assessment and the GARS-2 Gilliam Autism Rating Scale. I still have the Vineland II adaptive behavior form to fill out. The fun never ends! It feels like answering the same questions over and over again but oh well. It is what the school wants from us.

Anyway, I want to get back to my blog and to thinking about life but right now I am running in circles trying to live my life. Hopefully I'll be back soon!

I found this funny link summarizing life as I know it...

Tuesday, March 13, 2007

33...the year of happiness

Birthdays

They used to be such an event when we were kids. Balloons, friends, games and food. A celebration!

When did they stop mattering? 18? Now I could fight in a war. Perhaps after I turned 21? Now I could drink beer. (Isn't that a bit backassward?) 25? This felt like a transition into adulthood. We were finally out of college and trudging through the workplace. 30? This felt like the entrance into parenthood. After all, society seems to dedicate the 30's to raising your babies and adolescents. It seems like the 40's will be when we are forced to live through all of the teenage angst again through our children. Gee, won't that be a blast!

So here I am at 33. But I am not really feeling anything. It's just another age. I feel fully entrenched on the parenthood path. I have two wonderful boys. One five years old and getting ready for kindergarten. How can he be such a big boy already! One 16 months old and a bundle of energy. He is going to be a blast to grow up with. I have one husband who works a lot and is exhausted but still the best partner ever. We have a house that is truly a home. We are truly a family.

I look at a snapshot from our first summer together. 1990. Yep, we were 16! We were babies. There was such joy and innocence. The joy is still here but it is tempered by a loss of innocence. What strikes me is that we met when we were 16. We have now been together for 17 years. We have been together longer than I existed without him. He is truly my right arm and we are in this together!

I look at our wedding picture. I can't help but smile. We got married in Vegas. We tried the whole hometown church wedding but that just wasn't us. We could care less what flowers graced the aisle and felt it wasteful to expect our family and friends to spend $100 on a dress/tux that they would never use again. After about a month of planning we said forget it. We'd been together for 8 years already. The wedding guests knew each other. We are not formal people. Why spend the money on a formal affair. Let's just have fun and mark the beginning of our "formal" life together. Our religious belief is that God would show up no matter where we planned the celebration. So we picked a chapel in Vegas and we picked a date. We invited all our family to join us for a vacation. 40 people came. 38 from hubbies side and 2 from mine. (But don't get me started on how that felt.)

Now before you think how crazy it is to honeymoon with 40 relatives, you can relax. We spent the money we would would have spent on a wedding and treated ourselves to the honeymoon of a lifetime! We left the day after the wedding and went on to Kauai. We had an amazing time! We left our family partying in Vegas with Elvis and we spent the next week on a sandy beach sipping mango margaritas!

So anyway, back to my birthday reflections. I look at these pictures and I see such youthful innocence. I really want some of that back. I am so cynical these days. I don't like who I have become in those respects. There are days that I feel like I'd like to move my family to a cave in Antarctica. I wouldn't have to deal with the politics there, right?

Speaking of reflections, the face looking back at me in the mirror can't possibly be mine. First off, it is too round. I would never let my face get that round. Secondly, didn't I have brown hair? What are all those gray things doing there! I am only 33! 33 year olds shouldn't have to color their hair! It should still be an option, right? (BIG sigh)

Well, I look at my first 32 years and I reflect that I have come a long way. My childhood aspiration was to find a loving man and surround myself with family. I always longed for the love and feeling that comes with a tight knit family. I have succeeded. I always pushed myself academically to prove that I was as smart as everyone else. I assumed that that meant I had to have a glamorous career. I now have a masters degree that I don't use. But I do use that brain to figure out how to reach my autistic child--and we would all agree that a degree does not assure that that will happen! He is doing well (although I credit his hard work more than mine). But the point being that I am intellectually challenged and better rewarded here at home than I would ever be at any position in Corporate America! My 16 year old self would have never imagined that my 33 year old self would be a stay at home mom. My 16 year old self would have probably thought I had sold out on our dream. She would be wrong. I am living our dream.

I look at that overweight, graying lady in the mirror and I am still proud of her. She has found a beautiful life and she is happy (when she lets herself realize it). She really needs to slow down a little bit and enjoy the moments more. Perhaps when she does that she will find time to take better care of herself (and her face will become less round and she'll have time to color the grey out of her hair).

Either way, it has been an interesting journey. Life has provided some interesting obstacles and some amazing sights along the way. Am I where I expected to be at this point in my life? Yes! I am happy and that is all I expected. However, I am going to devote this next year to showing it more often!

Monday, March 12, 2007

Why I blog...a game of tag

My Aussie friend, Em, tagged me. I am to devise an answer as to why I blog. Here it goes...

1. My own personal therapy. I have thoughts continually swirling in my head. Blogging gives them a life form and often closure. Otherwise they would continue to haunt my sleep. I occasionally try elaborating them to my husband but this tends to overwhelm him. His usual response is an incredulous, "You need to relax and shut your brain off once in awhile!". I wish I could!

2. Blogs are my support group. I have tried the local support group route. In fact, our first year AD (after diagnosis) I went to a wonderful support group. It was like going home. There were about 10-15 moms there and we really got to share life's ups and downs once a month. Then the group combined with another organization and the camaraderie went away. Most of the "regulars" faded away. (It is kind of sad because I miss hearing about their kids!) But I have found that blogging builds that same camaraderie. Plus, I get to know even more about the day to day lives of the blogging families. Best of all, I can log on at 1am if that is when I get a moment for myself!

3. Perhaps I have an addiction to the computer. I spent my previous professional life tied to a computer and this time at the keyboard takes me back to that "Look at me, I am an important corporate peon" time in my life. Maybe? Perhaps it gives me a feeling like there is more to my life than washing clothes, dishes, and kids. I know that my pulse picks up when I hear the little chime letting me know that I have received an email. I think this link to the outside world helps me feel less isolated at home. I love my kids but never in my wildest dreams did I ever expect to be a stay at home mom. I didn't think I had it in me!

4. Creating a journal of our lives. I already find myself drawn to look back over my entries of the previous months. This is perhaps my best therapy and source of motivation. Depending on my emotion of the day I can usually find a previous post that can help balance me out. These emotions are cyclical and I find that whether I need a reality check or an energy boost I can usually find an event to spur me along. Sometimes I just need a reminder about how amazing my children are and how far we have come in the autism journey.

5. I've already mentioned getting help but I also hope to help others. I am no expert...but my hope would be that our story can help others. I lurked for quite awhile at several blogs and found great strength from them. We spend so much of our time home with our challenging kids and we start to feel alone in this big bad world. It can get quite overwhelming! Blogs remind me that I am not alone! All of my cyber friends have been there and done that and I know that I can learn from each of you. I only hope to return the favor.

Our children are all so different yet so much the same. This is why I started loading some of the idiom resources I have recently made for JP. I spend so much time creating teaching materials for him and it feels sad that we just file it away. I know so many other families could use the resources as well. Unfortunately, most of our home program stuff can't be loaded on the site but I plan to share whatever I can. My motto is..."why should us families have to keep re-inventing the wheel?"

I know many families live in small communities and autism resources are minimal. That is why the Internet is my best resource. It has made the world a smaller place. It has made living in one of the US states with the worst disability services less painful. I have a few "professionals" helping us navigate the autism world but I consider the experiences of fellow special needs families to be perhaps be the best guidance out there! After all, the best advice comes from those who are there in the trenches with you!

So following the rules of the game...I have to tag 3 of my friends and ask they why they blog.

How about it ...Mom to JBG at Hoop Dee Doo and PDD, and Kal at Autism Twins . I find it fascinating how both of you both navigate life with twins! You have my respect!!!

And I'd also like to tag my friend "who laughs in the face of adversity" at For What it is worth although I think it is pretty evident why you blog. Please know that I am continually amazed at your grace in the line of fire! I can't help but ask you, "What else?" Please look both ways every time you cross the street and watch out for lightning!

Sunday, March 11, 2007

Happy Feet

JP was at his recreational therapy camp on Saturday. They were preparing to go swimming. He had finished dressing and was waiting for the others to get ready. Unfortunately he was waiting too close to the door! His toe got caught under the door when one of his peers came out of the locker room.

Here is what it looks like today.The nail is coming off but we haven't been able to urge it along much. We tried to just lounge around and be "couch potatoes" this weekend but he continuously wanted to be up moving.

I kept asking him if it hurt. His standard response was, "No, it's happy." He wouldn't even acknowledge the hurt when we would wiggle the nail! And I know it hurt because he looked like he might pass out!

I don't know how I'm going to dress his "happy feet" tomorrow for school! Fortunately it is supposed to be in the 60s and almost all of the snow has melted.

Saturday, March 10, 2007

Eye contact

I take a lot of pictures of the boys.

This is one thing that I have found helpful as I retrace JP's development. You see, I have pictures of just about every skill or even every breath he has taken. I know he had specific skills at 12 months...at 15 months...at 2 years. I know that T stood on his own for the first time on August 22. I know this because I have about 20 pictures chronicling the event.

Somewhere in the second year of JP's life my pictures just didn't seem to ever turn out as well. I told myself that it was the few seconds delay on the camera. I could never catch him in the moment. He was too quick! The smile was there but by the time the shutter captured the moment, the moment was gone. He is a happy guy with a beautiful smile but still today we rarely get pictures of that smile.

His pictures have him staring off to the side or making some odd facial guesture as he tries his hardest to look at the camera. It is as though he has to contort his face to make it happen. I have tried to sneak up on him for the pictures. And I must state for the record that he loves having his picture taken. He will pose for me anytime anywhere. But he can't look into the camera.

I marveled at this phenomena as I sorted through the pictures this past month. Here is a collection of eyes. See if you can pick out the eyes of the little boy with Autism. It is said that the eyes are the window to the soul and both of my little men have beautiful souls. I only regret that the oldest has such a hard time letting us peek in his window.
*T's eyes are in the rectangles with a black outline. JP's rectangles have fuzzy edges.

Wednesday, March 07, 2007

Conversation snippets

Conversations overhead amidst the chaos...
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MOM: JP, we have to get ready!

JP: What do we did today? Do we have a mission?

MOM: We have OT2 but we don't have speech today. Ms. Tricia is sick so Mommy planned a special mission for us! We are going to Walmart!


JP: Oh, that is a wonderful idea! Good thinking, Mommy!


(OT2= he has attended Occupation Therapy at 3 different sites. For the past 4 months we have gone to the "OT2" location but he still requires that we call it OT2. I think they will always be known as OT1, OT2 and OT3. We sometimes have to clarify our Walmart as well. There are two nearby. Our usual store is "Same Walmart" and the other one is "Different Walmart".)
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(JP wants to watch a movie)

MOM: If you help me color this picture, I might let you watch a movie.

JP: I can't. I want to catch up with my father. (What Buzz Lightyear says to the gang at the end of his Star Command movie. This is after he finds out the evil emperor (Zurg) is actually his father!)

... (couple hours later)

DAD: JP, time for your bath.


JP: I can't. I want to catch up with my mommy.


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(JP eating breakfast)

MOM: Better hurry up and eat your toast. Fred will be here soon to pick you up in the Mack Truck. (This is utter nonsense...he doesn't know Fred and Mack drives Lightning McQueen)


JP: No, Mrs. Becky will be here soon to pick me up in the school van.


MOM: Oh, you are right. I get confused. You are such a smart cookie!


JP: No, I am a couch potato!


(Since this posting in early Febrary, we have been working on various idioms. I am logging them in the "English 101" section on the bottom of my blog. In some cases I have had to create a visual to help JP. I have posted those out into cyberspace for your consumption. All images are directly off the web so I should provide credit to Google images. The way I see it, if anyone else can use them then do so! Why should we all have to reinvent the wheel?)

Monday, March 05, 2007

Apparently they don't learn!

Okay. Just a quick note. I am crazy angry right now. I have been thinking about the little boy in Hawaii and how confused he must be after being arrested and charged with Assault. He IS ONLY 6 and he IS AUTISTIC! Tell me, who in this story should "know better" the autistic child or the school?

Earlier tonight I mentioned this story to some other families at a support group meeting. They hadn't heard about it so I told them I would email a link. As I mentioned in my earlier post, I stumbled on it while visiting my fellow blogger, MommyGuilt.

Well, I tried doing a Google search to see if there were any updates on this case. Truthfully, I didn't find much BUT I did find this!!!! The dates aren't the same and the mother names are different. I'm no investigative journalist but it appears to be two different cases. One is listed as the Ho'okena School in the city of Kailua-Kona and the other mentions a Aikahi Elementary School in Kailua. This doesn't appear to be the same story but it sure looks like a repeat occurrence in the same local area!


Suit over boy's arrest is settled for $50,000


The state will pay $50,000 to settle a lawsuit alleging an autistic boy was arrested without reasonable cause on his seventh birthday last year after he hit an educational aide at a Kailua school.

State of Hawaii As part of the deal, the Department of Education also agreed to conduct an internal investigation to prevent similar incidents from happening.

On Nov. 8 the Aikahi Elementary School student got frustrated and upset because he could not tie his shoelaces, and began waving his arms, family attorney Eric Seitz said yesterday.

When the special-education aide intervened, the child struck her with his hand, Seitz said. The lawsuit said the child has a history of aggressive behavior, with tendencies of biting, kicking and hitting due to his condition.

There is a written plan specifically for the child so the teacher or aide can control episodes of kicking, hitting, biting and other aggressive conduct due to his disability, according to Seitz.

The boy's mother, Raina Hockenberry, sued the aide, a supervising teacher, the principal and vice principal of Aikahi Elementary, the city and the policeman who arrested the child.

The suit contended that the boy struck the aide because of his condition, that he was unreasonably and unlawfully detained and that a special-education supervisor failed to properly advise school officials.

DOE spokeswoman Sandy Goya said, "The department is reviewing its current practices and procedures for our employees in terms of the appropriate response to a child who is acting out."

She said the department will provide training for employees to consider the child's age, behavior and other factors.

Police arrived at the school Nov. 9, arrested the child for suspicion of felony assault and took him to the Kailua station, where he was released to his mother 45 minutes later.

The complaint said school officials suspended the student Nov. 10 and told his mother the school would no longer provide free and appropriate education to the child.

The $50,000 cash settlement from the department will be divided, half to Hockenberry to be used in part for attorneys' costs and fees, and half into an annuity for the child's college education, accruing to about $45,000 when the child turns 18.

The boy has transferred to another school, Seitz said. He said his client is close to settling with the Honolulu Police Department.

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Here is one of my favorite parts...

"As part of the deal, the Department of Education also agreed to conduct an internal investigation to prevent similar incidents from happening."

I hope this second family gets a lot more than a $50,000 settlement! Perhaps by handing out money to every child they arrest (rather than educate), the school district will realize it is more efficient to train their staff!

But then, if they can't learn from their mistakes how can we expect them to teach?