Happily ever after

Nine years. That is how long ago we signed on the dotted line and promised "for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health". We agreed to live happily ever after--together.

Some moments have been better than others. Hmm. Richer, well, we are definitely in the poorer stage of life. I guess in the grand scheme of things (Autism aside) we are "in health".

And what a ride it has been. So much has happened during our life together. Let's see. I guess I should start at the beginning. Well, the first milestone during our relationship was Dad without a Manual (hereafter known as DWAM) getting his driver's license. Yep, he turned 16 the summer we met. I was the older and wiser woman. I was already 16 1/2. Most of those years are fuzzy memories. I remember talking on the phone a lot. I talked. He mumbled. We went to different schools so we had a full day of experiences to share. Or atleast I did. DWAM has never been much of a talker. Fortunately for us, I am a fantastic talker! Oh, to be teenagers again!

This is a picture of us during the summer of 1990. We'd been together for about 3 months.
Damn we look so young!

I guess I can skip forward to high school graduation. Then we can just buzz right through college graduation. We both attended the same university and moved to the big city mere weeks after graduating. We rented an apartment together. This was a big deal! This was the first official "living together"! That just sounds so sad given that we had been together for 7 years! I guess you can say we took it slow...

DWAM landed a real job right away. I continued to search and settle for miserable positions. I won't bore you with my resume but I will always be touched by the endless encouragement DWAM gave me during these times. I was so frustrated that my college degree didn't seem to count. Perhaps a degree in Business Administration was not the way to go. My area of emphasis was Accounting but all I could find were basic bookkeeping positions for an hourly wage. Oh well. I finally squeezed myself into a lower level management role and found a niche automating the accounting functions. This led to me go back to get a master's degree in computer information systems. Through it all DWAM encouraged me and gave me the confidence to keep pushing forward. I've never been a confident person but DWAM is my rock. We both always seem to know how to lift up the other person when they need it.

So in 1998 we tied the knot after dating 8 whole years! We were 24 years old! We were still kids! Well, I suppose "kids" is a bit of an exaggeration. But looking back I can't help but sigh and reflect on our innocence. I look in those eyes and I want to tell us to slow down and enjoy the silence. Life is never going to be that simple again.

Our first true moment of despair came a few years later when we lost my father in law to cancer. He was a super guy and it truly took us by surprise. He was a specimen of health. One day he had a nasty chest cold then he was diagnosed with stage 3B lung cancer. They gave him 6 months. He was so amazing as he faced his final days. I wish we were all as at peace with his death as he was. Perhaps we are still not...

(As a side note, he was a Vietnam vet. He did time in the jungles where we sprayed Agent Orange. Interestingly, after his death we have found that many of his comrades have experienced the same illness. Most are blindsided by the advanced stage lung cancer almost 30 years after their service. Most die within 6 months.)

If that was our low point. Our pregnancy with JP was the high point. I wasn't in love with my job and considered it time filler until I finished my masters so we decided that I would just quit work and stay home. The plan was that once I finished my degree I would go back to work.

In December of 2001 JP was born. Life was perfect. He was perfect! Parenthood was exhausting but so much fun! Every day was a new experience. Our plan for happily ever after was going full steam ahead.

Then in the summer of 2004 our beautiful little prince started having some serious sensory issues and social issues that made him stand out from his peers. I won't rehash the story. You've been reading about it for months now. Needless to say, our plan required some readjustments.

The fall of 2004 brought autism into our lives. I finished my masters degree in the spring of 2005 and began working for my new full time employer--JP. Of course this altered our "financial plan". We had a mortgage payment and credit card debts that we had assumed on the belief that I'd be back at work in a few years. Oops! Here comes the "for richer or poorer" part of our happy story! And yeah, autism is only adding to that financial strain...

Fall of 2005 brings another huge joy to our lives. Baby T arrives and steals our hearts. Our family is now complete. We now seem to have the blueprint for the "rest of our lives".

Through it all, DWAM and I have somehow kept it all in perspective. Finances are a concern. Our oldest child's future is a concern. Actually both of our boy's futures are a concern. One has autism. So far, the other is developing on cue. We are anxious and always worried but we are doing it together. When I get overwhelmed, DWAM reminds me that we are fine. We will be fine. No matter what life brings us. Some days I believe him. Other days I need him to remind me again. Yet other days, I am there to remind him.

Together we make a great team. I can't imagine life any other way. Our boys are gifts. They bring us joy. We are a family through thick and thin. We face adversity together and we relish the joys together. Together as a team, the four of us will live happily ever after.

We may have aged a lot the last 9 years (17 years) but I think we are still looking good! Don't you?