We are different

Just feeling a little guilty about yesterdays outburst.

First an apology about the length. It just kept going and going and going. This is exactly how my "To Do" list feels! Secondly I want to clarify that living in my state is not all bad. We have beautiful landscapes if you life flatlands and cornstalks. The people are friendly. In fact, here in the midwest, if I encounter a stranger while walking in my neighborhood we actually say hello to each other. In fact, I can even go for a long walk in my neighborhood without fearing for my safety--even after dark!!!

The job market is okay and the salaries are okay considering our cost of living is very affordable. Homes are reasonable (even though the property taxes are ridiculous!). All in all, life here is good.

But (you knew a "but" was coming--didn't you) this is a very conservative part of the country. One of my biggest frustrations is that the status quo is the only acceptable path here. Shamefully I ignored politics until the last few years because in my state my voice isn't heard. Most voters follow their party rather than vote for the issues that they think are important. Everything is almost always black or white. For the record, I am neither Republican nor Democrat. I don't really affiliate with either side. In my opinion, they are all ineffective once they get into office anyway. It is the nature of politics.

I ramble about all of that only to illustrate that autism has made me very frustrated. I love my son and he is doing great. But in the quest to do everything we can for him we have had to travel some different paths. We can't just follow the status quo. Our life is not black and white.

When your child is different you spend a lot of time reflecting on how your life experiences compare to those of your neighbors. Of course, Autism is not all bad. I wouldn't change anything about my son. I just want him to be the healthiest and happiest little man out there. But we have had to explore issues regarding special diets, supplements, and various therapies that are not mainstream. I hate explaining these to family and friends because they always look at me like I sprouted a third eye. How could I question the medical establishment or the government? How can I say that what the school offers in services is not enough? Who am I to expect specialized services? Please don't think that I am calling these people simpletons! I used to be the same way. I trusted that those in influence were looking out for my interest.

Autism has taught me that life is not black and white. What works for one may not work for another. This does not mean that it is wrong--it just means that it does not work in every situation. Different is good. Different means that things can change and still be okay. I don't have to do what my neighbor. For example, he might mow his grass in the morning. But it is okay for me to mow it in the evening this week and the afternoon next week. The critical issue is that it gets mowed!

I've spent years chasing happiness. Amazingly it took autism to help me find it. My happiness comes from a purpose in life and my mission to make our lives as fulfilling as they can be. Without autism I would still believe that happiness comes from a wooden box filled with all the latest gadgets and an attached 3 car garage. Instead, the joy on the faces of my children or the smell of their freshly washed hair during our cuddle time is all I need. Without autism I probably wouldn't be taking the time to even notice these simple events. Yes, I know that they will grow up. I am happy to grow up with them. We are learning this happiness thing together.

Autism has taught me that life does not just happen. We all have choices to make. We all encounter mountains to climb. If I continued to believe that it was okay to let others make the choices for my family than I would be letting myself and my children down. Until my children have a voice to speak for themselves it is my job to be their champion. The decision makers of the world don't have my child's needs in mind. They answer to the masses. Unfortunately, we are not the masses. We are different. Our special circumstances have made me realize that I have to use my voice and speak out.

This can be rather trying in a society where a single voice is rarely heard.

This can be rather frustrating when that single voice has to say things that don't follow the status quo.

This has been amazing for me because I have never been that person to buck the system. I usually just sat back and watched. Well,I can no longer be that person. I am learning to speak up and talk loud. I have no doubt that there will be times when I have to talk so much that my voice gives out. But I also know that I have a wonderful husband to fill in until I get my voice back.